Hey folks here from the Spoon banners Cafe and I was just playing around uh putting up a new banner

for my profile and talking in there about uh your self talk and change your self talk and how important

that is or how big a shift that can make So I wanted to come on and uh give you

an example and let you see uh for example in my life how big a change Just changing one

word It's not the word it's the energy it's what shifts because of the shift of the word So last

fall I had moved my mom uh from Florida to Oregon to come live with uh myself

and my partner and she required 24 hour care at that time And that was

a pretty gargantuan task We live an hour outside of main town Uh And yet we

managed to get a pretty good team together to cover most of the shifts I had

to fill in here and there And then of course when somebody would get sick or you know conflict or

a kid was sick or whatever you know if there was nobody else in the team who could

pick it up I'm the one who would pick up the slack the shift The the move was epic It

was just enormous and it took it was uh it took a toll uh quite a

toll for both myself and my mom particularly physically emotionally mentally We were really pretty wiped out

and it took quite a few months to uh start to acclimate and recover Uh anyway So

especially in those first couple of months when something especially would come up that wasn't already you

know on my calendar And I would suddenly have to um take a shift to care

for my mom you know often it was um getting dragged out of bed or a nap or some kind

of recovery to have to go do this And it's what it felt like I

have to I have to do this and it just was it was hard It was a

lot it was you know a burden to my system I mean not I love my

mother very much and it wasn't that but it felt like just you know something that was draining

me that you know I had to step up to And then one day it just sort of popped into

my head I think just thinking about my mom thinking about loving her And I thought I get to I

get to care for my mom and it changed everything I mean it didn't change

the fact that you know I was in sort of on duty on call whatever

caring for my mom doing whatever needed to do But the entire energy of it changed

from I have to do this to I get to do this and because what sort of came along

with that spoken and unspoken at the moment but thought about and spoken later was my mom is

here My mom is alive I get to be with her even though this feels difficult for her For

me we're having you know a challenging time of of trying to acclimate her in a different environment and

uh you know work and be available in different hours Even though that was still difficult the whole energy of

you know getting up of getting dressed of going into her end of the house and uh being

there to care for her to get to care for her to appreciate my mother being there to appreciate

that I was physically capable of being there to appreciate that we had this love together And the

focus in saying I get to do that was on all of those things When I

said I have to do that The focus was on you know how tired I am how uh demanding

the needs of her physicality at that moment were um you know and that the the the job of it

right the difficulty of it the what it was asking of me was the focus and instead the I

get to the focus was on my love for her on the possibility on the

reality that she was living with me that she was right there rather than all

the way across the country where I couldn't be there for her in those ways It looks like maybe

my thing froze So I'm gonna let's see I'm gonna pop off here and maybe start again We'll see

what happens there